How To Ask A Friend To Be Your Home Aide (So they actually say yes!)

Art: Robin Mead

Many people find that the best way to find a home aide is to ask someone you know already know and like and trust.

Even if it’s someone who isn’t looking for a job and doesn’t want a job like this and you haven’t talked to them in years and they can make five times as much money doing anything else…. it’s still worth asking.

Some of our readers report that people who said they never, ever wanted to work as home aides turned out the be the best home aides they ever had!

How to Ask a Friend: The Simple Way

“I’m hiring a home aide. These are the job requirements. I’d love to hire you. Are you interested in the job?”

You can try this way. But you may not be happy with the response.

How to Ask a Friend: The Better Way

Harder, but worth it! Make a personal request. You can do this in person or in writing. Your friend may or may not say yes, but there is a MUCH better chance they will at least consider it! Here’s a few things you might mention:

🌷Tell the person how much you like them and why you are asking

🌷Tell the person why you think they would be a great home aide

🌷Tell the person why you feel more comfortable asking them or working with them than other people

🌷Tell the person how much it would help you and why you need the help


It’s also nice if you can tell them all reason this is going to be a nice, pleasant job. For example, if any of these things are true:

🌷 They can chose their own days and hours

🌷 They can work a full day if they wish (won’t have to come all the way to your house to work just a few hours)

🌷 You’ll make accommodations if they have any needs

🌷 Your home is a low-key, quiet, low-stress environment

🌷 Workload is non-demanding, they can do things at their own pace and take breaks

🌷 If they can bring their kids with them

🌷 Anything else you can offer

Super Bonus

If you live in some forms of low income housing, or HUD housing, or you have a Housing Voucher:

🌷 You can offer your aide a place to live…. for free!

🌷 HUD will allow a live in aide to move in with you, plus get their own bedroom. Their income will not be counted, so your share of rent will not go up and they will not pay rent.

🌷 If you are in a subsidized building, you can request a transfer to a larger apartment. If you have a voucher, you will be granted a new voucher with additional bedrooms, and value of your voucher will be raised.

🌷 Learn more: How to Request a Live-In Aide in HUD Housing

Someone You Have Not Seen In A While?

You may wish to try contacting people from your past, even if you’ve been out of touch for months or years.

Let them know if you are lonely and would enjoy seeing them and spending more time around them. Many people with chronic illness find it hard to schedule and keep up social connections. Having a friend as a home aide can be an easy, low-pressure way to stay in touch with someone and see them more. 

Asking Family Members

🌷 You can also ask a family member. State home aide programs will allow a family member to be paid as your aide.

🌷 Some states do not allow spouses. Some states allow spouses, but hours may be lower.

🌷 If you are age 18, your parents can be your paid aide (exception: In some states, parents who have guardianship cannot be paid as aides).

More Options

You can also try: Asking if they would be willing to try it for two weeks on a trial basis to see if they like it. Asking if they would be willing to think about it and not answer right away.

No Dice? 

If your friend is not available, you can ask if they can think of any other friends who might be interested and why they think that other person might be a good aide. Then contact the new person and do the same thing: tell them all the reasons you heard they would be great.

You can also ask if they would be willing to be registered as an aide for you for back-up. That way if there is a crisis and you have no aide for a little while, your friend will already be registered in the system and can fill in if they wish.

Learn More

If you can’t find someone the easiest and best way, then you may find it helpful to write an ad or post about what you are looking for. Here’s a few ideas: How to Write the Perfect Ad to Find a Quiet, Creative, Like-Minded, Groovy, Nice Housemate or Caregiver

Places you can place your ad and look around: Where to Find Home Aides

Medicaid waiver programs will allow you to select your own home aides. You can select a friend, family member or neighbor, or you can advertise to find someone: How to Find Medicaid Home Aide Programs in Your State

What Do You Think? 

Updated July 2018. Please comment below with stories, ideas, questions or suggestions. Please let us know if any links on this page stop working.

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